The Great Terrorist Peanut Butter Plot?

Posted on May 4, 2008
Filed Under Journalism, News, commentary |

Crunchy or smooth? That’s the question I would like to pose to a would-be terrorist bent on launching an attack using peanut butter.

What’s that…you haven’t heard? Peanut butter is the next big “terrorist thing.”

Must be.

Because, while going through TSA insecurity at San Francisco International Airport today, a jar of expensive (around 7 or 8 dollars) smooth style peanut butter caused some concern among the boobs who are passed off as guardians of our air safety.

Now, to be fair to the morons, Peanut Butter is both a paste and a liquid, especially when the peanut oil separates. So, by that definition, it had two strikes against it on the Fed’s list of things that can’t be brought on board an airliner.

Time to use brains

But, the time has come for the Transportation Insecurity Authority to hire people with brains and that means all the way to the top TSA nitwit–Michael Chertoff.

If we really are concerned that terrorists are going to take over the world using home-made peanut butter, then I think they have already sort of won and it is time to give up the ghost, as they say.

First of all, if a terrorist was bent on blowing something up using peanut butter, they would clearly opt for the crunchy type since the small bits of peanuts would cause far more damage than the smooth variety.

Second–what is peanut butter without bread and jelly? Nothing, that’s what.

So, a clever TSA type (do they exist?) would be on the lookout not only for someone with a jar of peanut butter, but others in line carrying loaves of white bread and jars of grape jelly!  Only when these ingredients are fully assembled, is the true horror of the peanut butter terrorist weapon apparent…..It is the ultimate WMD–weapon of messy destruction.

[?]
Share This

Popularity: 15% [?]

Comments

Leave a Reply




Recent Comments

Close
E-mail It
Close
E-mail It